Each post below is a transcribed passage from my written journal.
I write every day to harness my ADHD and explore the inner-workings of my mind.
Every word makes up part of a stream of my consciousness and while I write for an audience of myself; the ideas, thoughts, and expressions I explore sometimes prove helpful for others.
Perhaps you’ll find something in my writing which helps you.
I’m writing inside this morning after my early morning exploration in nature. When I woke up just after 5, I heard driving rain against my bedroom window. Immediately, I knew I had to get up and outside as soon as possible. You see, as Autumn and Winter draw in, the weather will only get wilder, … Continue reading Dress for the weather
Dear Matt, I’m writing this letter to you from 13 years in the future. We’re 31 now. That probably sounds really old, but actually it’s not. Apparently our hair is going grey, but I refuse to believe it. Guess what… You’re a dad! Our greatest ambition in life achieved. Well done, bud. You stayed the … Continue reading Letter to my 18 year old self
I slept terribly last night. My dreams were obscure and intense; a clear sign my mind was wrestling with an array of clumsy thoughts and abstractions. It means this morning I have woken filled with chaotic energy. I haven’t managed to get outside into nature to journal like I always do. I couldn’t make sense … Continue reading Growth, pain, complexity, ADHD
I’m on the hill this morning and sporting a sexy new head torch. Unfortunately it says ‘head torch’ in comic sans in massive lettering along the band. Luckily, it’s an accessory made for the dark. Nature smells amazing this morning. It rained last night and now the water is evaporating in the warmer, early morning … Continue reading Ego vs Self: stand-off
I’ve arrived at the last two pages of my first ever journal. It feels like a momentous occasion. A genuine achievement. Every word written on these pages has been a step forward on my journey of self-discovery. I’ve learnt so much and had so many experiences during this short time spent writing. It makes me … Continue reading The final passage of my first journal
It’s cold this morning. For the first time since I started journalling I can feel a harsh chill on my face as I sit here and write. I haven’t got much on my mind. I can feel a slight apprehension poking around inside me which is causing my thoughts to slip and slide. There’s a … Continue reading A powerful meditation
This morning I’m sitting on the platform at the local train station in Moreton-in-Marsh. I was hoping to spend time people watching, but the few early risers who were here have all boarded the 05:51 to London Paddington. The next train isn’t due for an hour, so it looks like I’m on my own. It’s … Continue reading In-between trains
I’m staying at my parents for a few days. This morning I’m searching out the sunrise like I always do. I pointed myself east with the help of the compass on my iPhone and walked for about 20 minutes beyond the limits of Moreton-in-Marsh. I’ve ended up in a spot looking out over an expansive … Continue reading In 50 years, I’ll be 81
I managed to meditate for around 10-minutes this morning. Focusing on the mantra helped me to stay present, but I still found my mind wandering and at times working against me to try and force my eyes open. People say it’s natural for the mind to wander while meditating. What’s important is that when you … Continue reading Becoming a bridge builder
Yesterday I received a message from someone of which read in-part, ‘I’m really claustrophobic, but only because there’s too much going on in my head to fit into small places.’ anonymous It was such a poetic description of something that person wasn’t sure anyone else would understand. I understood. I felt it deeply. When we … Continue reading Brain, body, nature
Venturing out and writing feels different at the weekend. Knowing I have a day ahead of me less structured than during the week is both nice but daunting. Historically, extended time to myself is when my vices are able to take hold. While I no longer allow them in, fear is still present in my … Continue reading Fear is growth
I feel good this morning. I’m filled with positive energy. Yesterday, I saw a physio called Laura to seek help with my shin splints and it turns out the issue stems from my feet. Laura corrected my wonky feet with athlete tape and instructed me to go for a run and report back. I ran … Continue reading A hilly oasis
I ventured out before any semblance of light this morning. It doesn’t feel quite right yet for darkness to be encroaching on our days. I wonder how it will affect my mood and mental health in the weeks and months to come. The darkness makes the morning feel somehow more still. I can hear the … Continue reading The darkness
I’m struggling and feel out of practise. It really doesn’t take much to be thrown off course. If anything, it goes to show just how important it is to be consistent. No days off. I’m videoing myself as I’m writing this morning. I have an idea for a short film I’m messing around with. Really … Continue reading No days off
I didn’t get much sleep last night. My mind was filled with noise. I put it down to not winding down properly before bed, but the longer I laid there I could feel my heart thumping and I was sweating profusely. I’m not sure what happened, but it was far from ideal and I don’t … Continue reading Bad night sleep
I want to be inspired, By everything I see, I look for meaning all around me, no matter how insignificant it seems, Sometimes that means I take on too much, And my mind will just retreat, Which causes me to fixate, On what my mind retreating means, I’ll sit and stew for hours, Make up … Continue reading ADHD brain (poem)
It’s quiet this morning. For the first times since I started journaling I’ve arrived in the park before the sun has started peaking over the horizon. I suppose this will quickly become the new normal. I can’t say I’m excited for the days to steadily get darker. I feel most happy in hot, sunny weather. … Continue reading A lot on my mind
Yesterday’s wild weather continued into the night. This morning when I arrived at my current writing spot in the park I was surprised to see two tree had fallen in the high winds overnight. At first it was jarring. I was used to the landscape as it was before. One of the fallen tree was … Continue reading Winds of change
It’s hammering down with rain. I can’t find enough shelter for this page to not get soaked. I’ll try again shortly. Ok, I’m hiding behind the chimney on Troopers Hill. It feels energising to be out in this weather this morning. There’s a storm pushing through, the wind is howling, and the rain is driving … Continue reading Wild weather
The squirrels are more active than usual this morning. I can’t help but feel autumn in the air. Even the ducks are acting strangely, marching through the grass away from the lake. What do the animals know that we don’t? They sense subtle changes in the seasons much easier than us humans, it’s part of … Continue reading Changing seasons?
I’m feeling energised this morning. As soon as I saw the dark sky turning blue I was eager to get outside. I walked at pace down my road towards the park, eyes fixed firmly on the highest leaves of the trees flirting with the sunlight. I crossed the road, shoes met wet grass, looked east … Continue reading A new kind of sunrise
It’s raining this morning. I almost didn’t come outside. But then I remembered that it’s only rain, it’s actually quite nice. I’m sitting under the cover of a big tree close to the lake, watching the ducks and our local heron go about their morning. It’s easy to allow the rain to dampen your spirits. … Continue reading Lesson from a Heron
Turn up the saturation, sun, To brighten up my day, I’m aware that it’s still early, But I’m feeling slightly grey, Climb over the horizon, Bathe me in your rays, I know that you can do it, At least you did it yesterday, I like the way the trees look, As you unchain them from … Continue reading Sun (unfinished poem)
My creativity feels like it’s fading again. I haven’t written anything decent in days. The written word is no longer rolling off my tongue. I keep thinking more about creating practical content. While that’s fine and I certainly have value to offer, it’s just not exciting. What do you do when the artistry fades, Like … Continue reading Writers block unblocked
It’s a misty day and I’ve climbed to the top of a giant white horse. I can just about make out the sea through the mist. I ran 11Km into Weymouth earlier along the road and then made my way back along the headland. I am smug in my sobriety this morning. The others are … Continue reading Camping and thinking
There’s a game I like to play while waiting to cross the road, both at traffic lights and while crossing anywhere else. I look around at the other people waiting to cross and try to guess who will cross on their own terms and who will just blindly cross when they see someone else take … Continue reading Crossing the road
I’m trying to force words this morning and it isn’t working. I’m frustrated. My chest feels tight and I’m not sure why. Last night there was an altercation in the street which meant I went to bed in an unproductive frame of mind. Something which my subconscious might have been stewing on all night. It’s … Continue reading Healed by the sun
A lot can change in a year. Time forever marches on. 30 lit a fire in me. I finally found the strength to acknowledge and confront all that was wrong with my life. This time 365 days ago I was on a collision course with rock bottom. Its gravity was pulling me in with the … Continue reading 30th birthday
Honestly, I never thought I couldn’t be the best, I’d try my hand at anything and be better than the rest, It’s not for lack of trying that my fortune isn’t made, There must be something in the water and it’s driving me insane. Is there anybody out there who knows what is going on, … Continue reading Uncertainty (song idea)
The time is 06.30 – what’s happening around me? The sound of cartoons from a house on my road. A bike just whizzed past. There’s a guy working out in the park. Seagulls. The fountain. An old couple are strolling in the distance. A white van. Some women just jogged past me. Ducks are washing … Continue reading A list of things
It’s easy to forget the point of what I’m doing. I get swept up in expectation that I pile on to myself. Not everything needs reason, sometimes you just have to be. Yesterday I told myself that I needed an achievement. Something to hold on to, to prove I’m doing well. Why? Nobody asked me … Continue reading Lesson about expectation
Recently, I’ve felt an awakening inside of me. The goal posts have been moved. The limitations I’ve placed on myself for as long as I remember are no longer valid. On the surface, being diagnosed with ADHD aged 30 might not seem all that profound. In fact, it might seem somewhat insignificant in the grand … Continue reading ADHD Awakening
I can’t think what to write today. I got up early, it’s a Monday. I took a stroll just like I always do. I like to catch the sunlight as it peers over the horizon, it’s nice to watch the blue sky turn a brighter shade of blue. My favourite spot to sit and write … Continue reading A lack of inspiration
Slow down, take time to process your thoughts, Out loud, sing from your lungs and enjoy, The way it makes you feel so understood, Like you never thought you could. Right now, you’re second guessing yourself, Well don’t, you have the power to grow, You are stronger than you will ever know, It’s time to … Continue reading Understand yourself (song idea)
I’m alone standing on the precipice, I hear my phone ringing, ringing, reach out to me, I don’t know, the wind blows cold and I can’t see, I’m wasted. The city sleeps, I walk the streets unconsciously, I should go home, but it doesn’t feel like home to me, I check my phone, the clock … Continue reading Wasted (song idea)