It’s cold this morning. For the first time since I started journalling I can feel a harsh chill on my face as I sit here and write.
I haven’t got much on my mind. I can feel a slight apprehension poking around inside me which is causing my thoughts to slip and slide.
There’s a voice in my head telling me to walk back to the barn and take it easy this morning.
It’s my final day staying at mum’s before I go home to Bristol tonight.
I think I’ll heed my head’s advice and stroll back.
Perhaps I’ll pick up my writing from inside.
I’m back at the barn now.
I took a shower and have made myself a coffee.
Instant, unfortunately, as both shops in town were out of coffee beans.
I was struggling to shake the feeling of apprehension, so I’ve just meditated to try and get a grip on my nervous system.
Wow, did it work. I feel full of calming energy.
I only planned to close my eyes and breathe for a minute, but once I started I felt compelled to check in with my body.
I started at my toes and then worked up my legs, paying close attention to every sensation in-between breaths.
I traveled up my torso then focused on my lungs filling fully with air through my diaphragmatic breathing.
Then, I drew my attention to my heart, pausing my breath to listen for its beat.
Once I found its rhythm I followed its vibrations all throughout my body. It felt special, I’ve not managed to achieve an intense connection like that before.
Once I left my heart I moved up and across my shoulders then travelled up my neck.
Always pausing between breaths to notice the sensations.
I let my attention drift through my beard and over my lips.
I was quickly drawn to my nose as I inhaled. I felt the cool sensation of air as it purposefully channeled up and into my body.
Next I worked around to my ears and felt my hearing become instantly more acute with each pause in breath.
An array of sounds filled my attention, both natural and not.
As I inhaled, the sound of my breath into my nose once again drew my attention to that area.
I followed my nose’s bridge up to my eyes. Closed tightly but entirely aware of my surroundings.
Which each pause in breath I moved my attention around them, making sense of their spherical shape.
I noticed my pupils and all the colours which make up my left and right iris’.
Then, for a moment I focused all of my energy into my eyes and was immersed in a show of impossible colours and shapes against my closed eye lids.
From there, I checked in with my eye brows noticing their shape with an inhale of breath.
My ears took back my attention and so going with the sensation I focused again on the sounds around me.
My breath less overpowering than before.
I heard an unusual bird call which nudged me slightly out of my meditative state. So, I recentred on my breath and made my way back up my face to the top of my head.
I noticed my hair, still slightly damp from the shower.
On my next inhale of breath my attention was taken by a bright light above and to the left of my head.
I sat with it through a round of breath and then pushed up and out of my body into the channel of light.
I continued to breathe deeply and slowly, each inhale taking me higher.
Now, I was looking down on myself from high up in the sky.
I noticed the sunrise below me, bright orange and hopeful.
For a moment I felt weightless, suspended in the channel of light taking in the view around me.
With my next exhale I felt a desire to return to my body.
Like a photon travelling at the speed of light I instantly returned to myself.
I physically felt the reconnection. It was powerful.
Finally, through a few rounds of breath I sat with the wonder of what I had just experienced before gently opening my eyes awash with a feeling of total peace.
