In 50 years, I’ll be 81

I’m staying at my parents for a few days.

This morning I’m searching out the sunrise like I always do.

I pointed myself east with the help of the compass on my iPhone and walked for about 20 minutes beyond the limits of Moreton-in-Marsh.

I’ve ended up in a spot looking out over an expansive area where the fire service train.

The landscape is flat, so I have an unimpeded view of where the sun will rise over the horizon.

It’s a totally clear morning.

When I left the house it was still dark and even now the brightest stars in the sky are still visible, but the eastern perimeter of the horizon is slowly painting orange.

My emotions are running high at the moment and it’s making me feel off-balance.

Work is also stressing me out.

No, reframe.

I am allowing myself to become stressed because of work.

I am in control.

I am in control.

I am in control.

I feel as though I’m stuck in fight or flight mode, but I neither want to fight or fly.

I just want to be.

Perhaps I’m allowing other people’s hectic energy and expectation get the better of me.

It’s a difficult thing to navigate.

An old ‘country boy’ just walked past me and stopped to remark on what I was doing.

He said something along the lines of, 

‘a man out here writing at this hour is either working on something interesting or keeping secrets.’

I responded by saying,

‘I do it every morning, just writing down my thoughts.’

He was intrigued by my answer and finally remarked before walking away,

‘That’ll certainly be interesting to read back in 50 years.’

He’s right. It will.

I’ll look back at my naivety and how the emotions and stresses I have described above, while still valid, we’re really just a ripple on a vast lake of life experience.

I am in control.

I am in control.

I am in control of my future, my story, and my destiny.

Some days will be harder than others, but every day will be unique. Each one bringing fresh opportunities to learn and to grow.

In 50 years, I’ll be 81.

If I manage to stick around that long, I’ll look back at these pages and laugh at how sometimes I made things so hard on myself.

Perhaps, at 81 I’ll still be writing every day. Up before dawn to experience the sunrise.

I’m extremely grateful for how often I’ve managed to witness the sunrise recently.

I’ve learnt a lot about myself in its presence.

I’ve been telling myself a made up mantra,

‘So long as the sun rises, so shall I. With purpose and integrity to shine my light on the world.’

My final thought this morning is that everything is a matter of perspective and no two perspectives are the same.