Fear is growth

Venturing out and writing feels different at the weekend.

Knowing I have a day ahead of me less structured than during the week is both nice but daunting.

Historically, extended time to myself is when my vices are able to take hold.

While I no longer allow them in, fear is still present in my mind.

Perhaps, the fear is important.

Uncomfortable but necessary.

Perhaps, I should think one step further and feel grateful for the fear.

Acknowledge its presence as a protection from that which I once could not control.

Actually, fear is a by-product of growth.

The acknowledgement, acceptance and understanding of that fear and its purpose feels vulnerable and empowering.

The further along this journey I travel, I realise just how far I’ve actually come.

Self awareness is a skill and mindfulness takes practise.

It’s why I continue to write every morning.

Always outside, always in nature.

It feels tragic that this ability to reflect has only opened up for me since being diagnosed with ADHD and effectively medicated, but I’m grateful that I’m finally able to discover my authentic Self.

Still flawed and insecure at times, making things up as I go along.

But now with a working compass pointing me vaguely in the direction I feel like I should head.