A lot on my mind

It’s quiet this morning.

For the first times since I started journaling I’ve arrived in the park before the sun has started peaking over the horizon.

I suppose this will quickly become the new normal.

I can’t say I’m excited for the days to steadily get darker. I feel most happy in hot, sunny weather.

I’m struggling to motivate myself with work at the moment.

I feel lazy and lethargic whenever I’m at my desk.

I hoped rejigging my to do list would help, but so far no luck.

I need to find excitement for what I’m working on. Somehow, I need to gamify my tasks.

I’m also frustrated by my current shin splints stopping me from running.

Hopefully, I’ll be back on the trails in a week or so.

I think I need to re-frame my thinking.

All of my frustrations are within my control, therefore I have the power to do something about them.

Part of the problem is that I’m not feeling very creative.

After such a huge outburst of creativity over the last month, I feel like I’m retreating back into myself.

How do I keep the creativity flowing?

The sun is finally coming up.

I need to create structure and find purpose for what I’m doing.

At the moment the only part of my day I look forward to are these morning sessions.

Perhaps I’ve placed too much emphasis on them.

I need to remind myself that this is supposed to be an energising activity to find flow for the day ahead.

What am I grateful for?

More than anything for this opportunity I’ve uncovered to grow as a person.

I suppose that’s selfish in its nature, but I know that when I help myself I lift others along with me.

I hope that if I continue to tell my story it will help other people feel less alone.

I feel strangely lonely this morning sitting here on this bench.

As though I’m not quite sure who I’m trying to be.

I don’t think I’m ‘trying’ to be anyone, really.

I’m simply allowing my thoughts to take me to places and exploring on paper whatever comes to mind.

I feel like I’m going around in the circles, as though there’s a blockage stopping me from reaching the next… 

I think I found the blockage.

I don’t know what’s next. Of course I don’t, I haven’t yet figured out my here and now.

I need to reign my thinking in and just focus on today.

What happens next isn’t important.

What would the heron do?

He would take his time, listen to his needs and then act on them accordingly.

Right now I need to listen to my needs. They’re telling me to slow down and give myself a break.

I also feel like a need a good laugh and to fuck about with friends.